Always
by Gl33k
Summary: After the rebellion, Katniss is still hurting, no matter how much she tries to deny it. How does she grow closer to Peeta? Will he be there for her? Main stories of the Peeniss relationship.
1. Always

_**First Katniss/Peeta story, so I hope you enjoy it :) My favourite pairing, so I hope I do it justice.**_

_**Enjoy and please review :)**_

"_Katniss! Why didn't you save me?" Prim keeps asking me._

"_Prim!" I try to reach out to her._

"_I thought you loved me!" She calls out to me._

"_I do! Prim I do!" I hold onto her hand, and she looks at me with pity in her eyes._

"_Goodbye Katniss." I watch as my younger sister sets on fire and vanishes. President Snow and President Coin are both laughing at me, while I stand in the middle of Prim's ashes._

"Prim!" I call out again, but this time all I see is an empty room.

I look out the window and see the remains of District 12. I slowly get out of my bed and gently walk over to the bathroom. I go towards the old mirror, which hangs above the sink. All I see is a broken young woman, who is covered in scars and burns. I start to cry, which has become a daily thing now. I tie up my hair in a braid and slowly move myself away from the mirror and go over to my drawers. I chose what I will wear for the day, and quickly get dressed. It must be early, but I can hear Greasy Sae in the kitchen, making my breakfast. I slowly walk downstairs, and try to compose myself. To my surprise, Greasy Sae is joined by Peeta. I've seen him around a few times and it's not the first time that he has been at my house, but last night he had a flashback, and I thought he would have ignored me today.

"Lovely weather, isn't it?" Greasy Sae asks us. I look down at the bowl of porridge that lies before me. I really don't want to take part in the conversation, so I let Peeta answer.

"Oh yes it is. I think I might start gardening sometime soon." Peeta answers, and looks at me, cautiously.

"That would be good. Maybe grow some vegetables?" Greasy Sae makes an effort to make the time less uncomfortable, but I'm sick of it.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not very hungry. I'm going to go for a walk." I get up and close the door behind me.

I pass Haymitch's house and decide to pay him a visit. His door is locked, but he hides a key under the doormat. I remove it and unlock the door. I place the key in the pocket of my usual leather jacket and close the door. I'm hit with the smell of strong liquor. As I walk past the living room, I see an unconscious Haymitch surrounded by lots of empty bottles. I expected that. I walk over to him, and nudge him. He doesn't move, he just groans.

"Get up." I say and pull the curtain open. He would never open his curtain; either me or Peeta would do it. Surprisingly, Peeta hasn't been to see Haymitch. I turn around to check if Haymitch is okay.

"Get up." I poke his back with the television remote. He groans again, which makes me annoyed. Why he can't he just get up_? We have to face the challenges of life sooner or later, so we might as well get up early. _That's what my father used to say to me when I was younger and struggled to get up for school.

"Don't make me pour water down you again. I will do it." I warn Haymitch. This makes him get up.

"I always preferred Peeta." Haymitch mumbles. "He is much more polite."

"Well, if you want to be woken up with a kiss and a 'Well done Haymitch! You actually got out of bed!' then you're looking at the wrong person." I say harshly.

"What's wrong with you?" he asks, yawning.

"Nothing." I answer.

"Oh yes, and I've been sober for three years now. Spit it out." Haymitch slowly walks to the kitchen and goes to look for a drink.

"I won't speak to you if you will be drinking." I say in hope that I don't have to talk.

"Fine, why don't you talk to Prim? Or Cinna? Or your father?" Haymitch turns around to face me. "Oh wait, you can't. They're dead!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I shout at him, angry he brought them up. How dare he bring them up?

"It's my only way of surviving the day. Why does everyone always judge me for enjoying a drink?" Haymitch slams the bottle down.

"Enjoying a drink is having a few drinks once in a while. But what you do, is actually something to be worried about." I say, a little too harshly.

"I've got a lot more to worry about, so don't even go there." Haymitch snaps at me.

"Like what?" I ask, annoyed.

"Okay, well, there are two people that I'm worried about, but I can't do anything for them. The girl that I tried to look after before has gone crazy and won't let anyone into her life and won't accept any help. The boy lost his mind, and I can't even face him because it's so hard. Every time I see him, I'm faced with the guilt, because I blame myself for what happened to him!" Haymitch shouted at me.

"No need to worry about me." I say coldly and walk out of his house.

I wonder about going back home, but Peeta is still probably there, helping Greasy Sae. I decide to go to the forest. I collect my old bow and arrows, and try to hunt. It's the first time I've went back to the forest since I left for the Quarter Quell, and it's also the first time I've went into the forest, with no family to feed. I would collect some food for Gale's family or my own. Gale left for another District, and his family moved with him. And my own family? Well, my mother moved to District 4. I sit down on a large rock that I used to go to with Gale, while we took a break from hunting. It just hits me that I can't go hunting with Gale anymore. Does he still think about me? I think about him a lot. Probably because it was his bomb that killed my sister, but I also look back on the time I shared with him. He's probably settled down with a girl who is pretty, funny, caring. Everything I'm not. I could never see what he saw in me. Or Peeta. I don't know why they fought over me, but I don't like thinking about that. I wonder if Peeta still feels the same, but I'm guessing he doesn't it. He hasn't been the same since he came back from the Capitol. They changed him, and he can now see me for who I really am. He was the only person who could see past all my faults and all my flaws, but now he's just like everyone else. It hurts too much to stay here, so I go back home. I walk slowly, just in case they are still at my home. I must have been gone for about an hour. They probably left straight after I did. I hope so, anyways. I go back to the Victors Village and go to my home. I miss my old home, in the Seam, but that was destroyed in the bombing. Luckily, they didn't bomb this one, or I'd be homeless.

I open the door and walk in. "Hello?" I call out, to see if someone is there or not. No answer, thankfully. I slide off my hunting boots and run up to my bedroom. I look out the window, and open it up. It's very warm in my room, so I decide to let the fresh air in. I look down at the meadow, and see a few primroses. This sets me off and I start to cry. My crying turns into sobbing and I just sit down on the ground. When I volunteered for Prim, I thought I was saving her. I guess she never had a chance when her name was called out. She just survived for a little while longer. She was destined to be killed off by the Capitol. She was so beautiful. She didn't deserve to die. She was so young and pure. I should have died in the Capitol, not her. When I run out of tears, I walk downstairs. I go into the kitchen and see two loaves of bread, placed on the counter with a note.

_Katniss, I'm sorry about yesterday. I hope I didn't scare you._

_If you feel up to it, I really need to talk to you. I'll be at home if you decide to come._

_If not, I hope you enjoy the bread._

_Peeta._

I eat one of the loaves, deciding on whether I should go on not. The only clear thought I get is 'Peeta would do it for you' so I do go. I finish the loaf and place the other one in a bag, and place it in a cupboard for later. I slowly make my way to Peeta's house. I don't know what he'll say, or what I will say, but I know I should go. When I reach his house, I open the door quietly. I walk into the living room and see him watching the television intensely. I notice the sound of what he is watching, and walk over to get a better view. Of course I knew it. I'd never forget. I'm singing to Rue. He's watching the 74th Hunger Games.

"You really do have a great voice." He says slowly.

"Why are you watching this?" I ask.

"Well, I didn't think you would come." Peeta turns the television off.

"What do you want to talk about?" I ask.

"Yesterday. I'm so sorry about it." He apologises again.

"It's okay." I say.

"Look, I was told it would be best for me to ask some questions when I have flashbacks. Can we talk?" He asks me. I don't feel like doing this, but if I want to help Peeta, I have to do it. I nod and sit down on the seat that is closest to the door.

"Thanks a lot Katniss." He stops for a moment and I think he's trying to figure out what he will ask me. "You burst into tears when my heart stopped in the second arena. Real or not real?"

"Real." I answer, blushing.

"I gave you a pearl. Real or not real?" He continues to ask.

"Real." I look at him. "I still have the pearl, at home. I kept it with me all the time in Thirteen and I still keep it with me." I knew that it was right to add it, so he knew that it was very important to me.

"You tried to drown me. Real or not real?" He looks hurt.

"Not real. I never would." I am a little hurt that he would think I would, but I know the Capital fed him lies.

"Thanks, I guess." He laughs a little. "You used me, in the first arena. Real or not real?"

"Look, I have to go." I get up and walk away. This made me angry. I didn't use him! Why would I do that? He meant more to me then, and he still does. I will admit it, I'm starting to get the feeling I got in the cave during the first arena and on the beach that night during the Quarter Quell.

"Katniss! Katniss! Come back Katniss! I'm sorry." Peeta calls back after me, but I ignore him. I go back home, and run to my room and lock the door. I fall to the floor, with my back to the door. I realise once I'm in my room, that I forgot to close my front door, but I can't face him and go back. I can tell that he is going to try and stumble over to my house and want me to talk about it, but I really can't go through with it. As I guessed, he is here and I can hear him go up the stairs. He's never been a quiet person since he lost a leg.

"Katniss! Are you okay? I'm sorry." Peeta shouts to me. I don't answer. Instead, I wait for him to leave.

"Katniss, I'm not going anywhere until you open that door." He's realised what I was thinking. Damn. Why can't he just leave? I don't want him here. He'll just try to make me feel better, but I deserve to feel this bad. I deserve all the pain that I feel. I deserve all the bad things that happened. I couldn't protect Prim, I couldn't save Peeta or Finnick and I brought on the bombing of District 12.

"Look Katniss, I am sorry. It's all my fault that you feel like this." Peeta says softly.

"No, it's my fault. Everything is my fault." I finally say.

"How?" Peeta asks me. Like he doesn't know.

"The berries, the way I acted in the arena, the way I acted as the Mockingjay, the way I killed the wrong president." I list out. It's only a small part of everything I did wrong, but it hurts to talk about it.

"Katniss, please let me in. I want to help you." Peeta says.

I take a few minutes to wonder if I should open the door or not, but I want to be with Peeta. So, I slowly get up and open the door. He looks worried and pale. As soon as I open the door he hugs me. At first, I don't know what to do, but I find myself hugging him back.

"I deserve to be dead. Not Prim or Finnick or Cinna or Boggs." I say, while crying.

"Don't you dare say that!" Peeta holds onto me and looks straight into my eyes. There is a very stern tone in his voice.

"Why? It's true!" I say and push myself away from him.

"You stopped the Hunger Games! No more children will have to face what we went through." Peeta says.

"Why did we have to?" I ask, not looking for an answer. I slump back down to where I was before.

"I don't know. But it's faith. It obviously happened for a reason." Peeta sits down beside me.

"Do you really believe that?" I ask Peeta.

"I have to. It's the only thing that gets me through the day." Peeta says to me.

"I never really imagined what you had to go through." I say to Peeta, feeling embarrassed.

"I'd go through it all again if I had to." Peeta smiles at me.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because, it means that you would be safe. I'd do anything to protect you. I might not know why I did before, but I know I'd still do it. I might not remember you, but I look forward to getting to know you again." Peeta strokes my cheek and I place my hand on his.

I get the same feeling that I got in the arenas. I need him. I lean in towards Peeta, and he leans in towards me. We kiss each other, but only cautiously and gently. We kiss more passionately and suddenly, Peeta pulls away.

"I'm sorry." I say and look away from him.

"I should go." Peeta gets up.

"Stay with me." I say to Peeta, who turns around and faces me.

"Always."

_**May continue this for another two chapters. Depends on the feedback :) Enjoy.**_


	2. Real Or Not Real

_**So this is the next chapter. This covers the next main thing that happens in their time together. This is the Real or Not Real scene! I took a little from the book, which you'll probably get at the end, but I hope you enjoy reading it :) Mentioned a lot of characters here ;)**_

_**Chapter 2.**_

"Katniss I'm home." Peeta closes the door behind him.

"I missed you." I greet him with a hug and walk with him into the kitchen.

Nothing romantic is going on between Peeta and I. We've kissed a few times, but it always becomes awkward. I guess the Capitol made sure that he would never love me again. I decided that I should be glad to call him a friend, so I don't try to take the relationship further. It wouldn't help him, either, so I leave it at calling him my best friend.

"So, what did you get up to today?" I ask him.

"The new blueprints have come for the bakery. Building should start very soon." Peeta smiles at this. He's been talking about the new bakery non-stop since for a few weeks. I plan on helping him, as soon as we find a job I would be suitable for. I am no good at baking or decorating cakes, so I might have to help the customers. I'm still not great with talking to people, which Haymitch and Peeta find so funny. I don't get why it's funny. I just never needed the skills before. Well, maybe in the Capitol, but that's it.

"So, I'm guessing you're very happy then," I smile at him.

"What do you want Katniss?" He raises his eyebrow.

"Cheese buns?" I give him the biggest smile I can manage.

"Okay then, I thought it would be something serious like, you wanting to help bake when it's opened!" Peeta says sarcastically.

"No cheese buns, and I just might." I wink at him.

It feels so good to mess around with Peeta like this. It's a very rare occasion were I can joke around with someone, but his good mood just brings it out of me today.

"Oh no, do you mind if I go to the shop? You're low of ingredients in the fridge." Peeta says to me.

"What don't I have?" I ask.

"Everything. How do you survive Miss Everdeen?" He asks me, pretending to be serious.

"When you go to sleep, I sneak into Haymitch's house, and steal all his food! Don't tell anyone, okay?" I giggle.

"It can be our own little secret." Peeta jokes and leaves my house.

I smile to myself as I watch him leave for the shop, looking out the window. If he saw me smiling at him like this, he'd probably run away. Even with that leg! I go upstairs and redo my braid, which was falling out. While walking past, I decide to pull out the book that both me and Peeta have been working on. We decided to do a different version of the plant book that we made when I was on bed rest after breaking my foot. This time, we made it about the Hunger Games. There were pages for Marvel, Glimmer, Cato, Clove, Foxface, Thresh, Rue, Haymitch, Beetee, Wiress, Finnick, Annie, Mags, the morphlings, Johanna, Chaff, Madge, Darius, Maysilee, Cinna, Effie, Plutarch, Tigris, Boggs, Castor, Pollux, Twill and Bonnie. The last page is specially designed for Prim. Not all the pages are finished, but we did Prim's page first, as she was the hardest to let go of.

I decide to check up on my mother, so I ring her to see if she is okay. We haven't spoken that much since she left for District 4. I feel like she abandoned me, but I can't lose her again.

"Hello?" She says into the phone.

"Hello mother. It's Katniss." I say.

"Oh Katniss! How are you?" She asks.

"I'm improving, thanks. You?" I ask.

"I'm very busy. The new hospital is keeping me very busy. Oh, did you know, that Annie gave birth to a baby boy yesterday? He looks just like Finnick." She tells me.

"That's wonderful!" I say. I'm happy for Annie. She needs something good to happen in life.

"Johanna has promised to help her look after him." She adds.

"That's good. I'm a little shocked she said that though!" I laugh.

"She's changed a lot. Look, I have to go now Katniss. My shift starts soon and I can't be late. Can I call you when I'm finished work?" She asks me.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Talk to you later. Enjoy work." I hang up the phone.

I decide to get some work done on the house. I realise that I haven't tidied the house since I came back from the Capitol, so I decide to give it a clean.

"Peeta, out of all the people to come to my house, you of all people should know that it's open!" I laugh. He comes into the living room, which I'm in currently.

"Katniss." The voice isn't from Peeta. I recognise it too well, and I hope that it's not who I think it is. But it is, and unfortunately he is here. "Katniss it's me."

I slowly turn around and look him in the eye. He must see the expression on my face. I don't want him to be here in my house and I don't want to speak to him.

"Katniss, if you don't want me to be here, I can just leave." He finally says. I can see how hurt he is, but I don't care about that.

"Why now Gale?" I ask, a little too harshly.

"Because, I know that there is something worth fighting for with us." He replies.

"There is no 'us' okay? There never has been!" I say.

"That's just because of the baker, isn't it?" Gale shouts.

"No! It has nothing to do with Peeta! Why can't you see that? I've never wanted to be in a relationship with you." I say. I should feel guilty, but I don't. I am sick of hearing about what could have been between us. Plus, I will admit, I blame him for Prim's death. It was his bomb that he designed. I don't want to look at him, as every time I look into his eyes, I see the bomb which killed Prim.

"We were meant to be Catnip! Why can't you see that we belong together? I've always loved you and I know that you love me." Gale walks over to me and puts his hand in mine.

"No!" I pull my hand away and walk away from him. "I've never loved you! Also, how can I love you after what happened to Prim?" I ask and I notice that he looks very angry.

"That wasn't my fault!" Gale shouted at me. I look out the window and see Peeta with a bag in his hands.

"You better go. Don't come back Gale, please." I say. Gale notices that I see something out the window and turns around.

"Him? You're still around with _him_?" Gale asks, angrily.

Peeta sees Gale and drops the bag and runs over to the door. He quickly runs through the open door and looks Gale in the eye.

"What are you doing here?" He asks Gales.

"I could easily say the same thing." Gale says and goes closer to Peeta.

"How dare you come back here? You of all people should know how upset she is about Prim's death!" Peeta shouts at Gale.

"That was not my fault!" Gale shouts back. I stand there, unable to talk. I just listen to them bicker. It's just like before, like déjà vu.

"I thought you loved her! I thought you wanted what was best for her!" Peeta continues to yell. Wait, did he just say _love _me?

"I do." Gale groans.

"And do you think that this is best for her? Really?" Peeta yelled.

"Catnip, listen to me." Gale turns around to face me. He pushes Peeta away from me and goes straight towards me. "I know you love me. Come on; come back to District 2 with me. We can have a family and we can have one of those happily ever after's that Prim always read about. You know you love me Catnip."

"Get out. Just get out of my house!" I shout at him. I feel like breaking down, but I don't want to seem weak in front of Gale.

"You heard her. Now leave." Peeta says, and directs Gale out of the house.

"We are not done Katniss! I will not give up this easily! You and I could still make it!" Gale shouts to the window and I watch him leave.

I collapse onto the ground and start to cry. Peeta rushes in to the living room and runs over to me. He goes onto the ground and hugs me. He lets me cry onto his shoulder, and I feel better.

"Why can't he just leave me alone?" I ask. I don't expect an answer, but Peeta still answers.

"I know that I wouldn't give up on you easily. You don't know the effect you can have on people Katniss." Peeta and I both laugh at that. "I see where he's coming from. I mean, I'd hate to not be with you every day, but I would definitely not go and yell at you for not taking me back." Peeta laughs to himself.

"I miss calling him a friend. Now, I know I don't want him in my life anymore." I dry my eyes.

"Back in a second, I'll just get the bag from outside." Peeta gets up and leaves the house. I open the window to get fresh air and Peeta comes back.

"I really do regret doing this now, but I made the cheese buns at home. I wanted to surprise you with them, instead of just make them beside you, but if I didn't come back straight away, you wouldn't have had to deal with Gale. I'm sorry." Peeta looks down, and avoids looking straight into my eyes.

"No, this is not your fault. It's his. Thank you, so much." I say to Peeta, which cheers him up a little.

"I'm sorry for being such a bad friend. I kept distancing myself away from you when I thought we were getting too close." Peeta says, which surprises me. "It's only because I'm afraid of what I might do, you know? I know that I haven't done anything for a while, but the closer I get to you, the harder it would be to say goodbye."

"Why would we be saying goodbye?" I ask him, because I'm honestly confused.

"I would hate myself if I did anything to you, especially if I hurt you. You have to know Katniss, I really do want to have you in my life, but I don't want to lose you." Peeta says, with genuine hurt in his voice.

"I know you to well. I know that every time you have a flashback, you grab onto a chair, so you won't hurt me. I can look after myself. Peeta, if there is one thing that I learnt since coming back from the Quarter Quell, is that I was just hiding my true feelings for you, so I wouldn't get hurt. I feel the same way as you feel for me, or should I say, the way you felt for me, before you got back from the Capitol." I say and walk away from him. I don't want to handle his rejection.

"Katniss," Peeta says, and I turn around to face him. "I still feel the same way. There is nothing more that I want to do in this world, than kiss you right now, but I don't want to ruin our lives with the flashbacks."

"We can get through it! I promise. Peeta, please." I say. This is the most vulnerable he has ever seen me, and that's saying something. He's been there for me after my nightmares and when I have the days were I just hide in the closets.

"Katniss, you don't want this. You don't need me. You deserve someone better than me." He says, holding back tears. I can see that even though he means it, he doesn't want to be saying it.

I do the only thing I think of. It might be a dangerous thing to do, but I go and kiss him. He kisses back. When we pull apart, he looks down at me and smiles.

"Are you sure of this Katniss? I mean, do you really want to be with me?" He asks me.

"Always." I smile and he laughs.

I kiss him again, and we stay like that for a few moments. After a while, he stops and grabs my hand.

"What are we doing?" I ask.

"We haven't had the cheese buns yet!" Peeta smiles at me.

"I forgot we had those. Good, because I am really hungry!" I smile back at him.

We walk into the kitchen, where he hands me a plate with two cheese buns on it. I take a huge bite into one of them, and I notice Peeta smiling at me.

"What?" I ask. This isn't the look you want to go for, when you're with your boyfriend, so he's probably smiling at that. It feels so good to call him that now.

"Imagine what Effie would say if she saw you eating that." Peeta laughs.

"I know, she's never been such a fan of my manners." I smile, thinking back to the cave when we were eating the lamb soup during the first arena.

"You used to love cheese buns, real or not real?" Peeta asks me.

"Real." I say, before taking another bite. "I still do!"

"Thought so." Peeta looks down at his plate of cheese buns.

"What's up? Wait, that's the look you get when you think of one of those 'real or not real' questions, that you don't think I can answer." I say, preparing myself for the worst.

"I have one." Peeta says quietly, like a whisper.

"What is it?" I ask, a little nervous.

"You love me. Real or not real?" Peeta whispers to me.

I realise then, that what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that.

So, I tell him "Real."

_**Review please?**_


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